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My Birth Stories

Updated: 7 days ago

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My First Son's Birth Story:


In 2019 I fell pregnant with my first son and just like any woman, I felt some apprehension surrounding what birth would be like. Thankfully I was more curious than terrified, and every step of the journey, every change to my body, felt fascinating. My intuition was telling me to focus on what 'felt good' in relation to pregnancy.

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As my pregnancy progressed, I surrounded myself with books and positive birth affirmations and stories, but I also looked up evidence-based facts about labour. In particular, I educated myself on the physiology of how women’s bodies are made to birth, and then I supported and celebrated my body by taking pregnancy yoga classes and nourishing my body as best I could.


The last piece of the puzzle was my subconscious mindset, that I realised had been programmed with birthing-fear through media, movies and TV shows to name a few, and so I studied online hypnobirthing to reach and heal those deeper layers of the mind. 



The importance of a conscious approach to birth

Positive visualisations became my foundation for approaching birth with calm anticipation, confidence, and control. It wasn’t just a mindset but a daily practice. More importantly, trusting my innate female intuition - one of our greatest gifts as women - gave me the mental readiness and excitement to give birth. My body would know what to do! My role was to calm my mind, breathe, and let my body take over to perform the sacred and involuntary action of bringing my baby into the world. Thanks to my birth partner, each time anxiety around birth crept in, he was there to remind me to ‘trust the process’. 


I knew that listening to my intuition and letting my body move the way it wanted to during birth would be ‘trusting the process’. As the due date approached, I felt increasingly relaxed about birth. I knew that I had choices and that I could respectfully challenge ‘routine’ NHS protocol from my caregivers (midwives or doctors). And most important of all, I knew that giving my informed consent for everything to do with my baby’s birth, was my right as a birthing person. I wrote a birth plan, and was clear and concise about my wishes so that I could look back and know that all decisions I made were my own, without unnecessary interference.


How Pre-Rupture of Membrane (PROM) played a role in my birth

Despite this, the end of my first pregnancy came with a complication, as I had pre-rupture of membranes (PROM) at week 36 and 6 days. Now, had I not been educated about my rights at this stage of pregnancy, my birth would have been taken completely out of my hands and an induction insisted on by caregivers within 24 hours of my waters breaking. Instead, my partner and I weighed up the risks associated with PROM at this stage of my pregnancy, versus the risks that come with being induced and decided to wait and give labour time to progress on its own. We attended hospital for regular observations and kept an eye on any signs of infection instead. 


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My baby was still only 36 weeks old. For him to be subjected to an augmentation of labour via induction most likely would have meant foetal distress, as the use of synthetic oxytocin like Pitocin, interferes with how the uterus would normally respond to surges, and disrupts the body's natural rhythm. When natural oxytocin is produced by the body and flowing, the uterus and your baby work in beautiful harmony. My concern was that if we had forced birth so he was born earlier, he potentially could have needed treatment in NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) as he would have been classed as Preterm. 


Another reason I felt confident in our decision to wait is because I had independently tested for Group Strep B (this isn’t done routinely on the NHS), and knew I wasn’t a carrier of the bacteria. Being GBS-negative reduces the risk of serious infection from GBS after PROM. This meant I could more confidently reject the offer of antibiotics that are routinely given during PROM to prevent GBS-related neonatal infection. I knew I didn’t want antibiotics as this would have interfered with my baby’s gut microbiome, and presented other complications such as increased risk of allergies, childhood asthma etc, had I taken them.


Each visit to the hospital prompted the induction question again, and after 48 hours of no more progression with labour (which is unsurprising, as if the body is stressed, which mine definitely was, the hormone adrenaline is released which stalls labour), I spoke to caregivers at the hospital again, and this time agreed to go for the induction intervention. 


How critical was it to be induced?

So we arrived at the hospital around 7pm to book in for the induction, and I felt torn as every ounce of my intuition was screaming not to do it, while my mind was replaying the fear-based conversations I’d been having, as I tried to decide how best to protect my baby. It was a busy labour ward though as there weren’t enough midwives to patients that evening because of the full moon (more women go into labour when it’s a full moon) and we were told we’d have to wait in our room, maybe up to 9 hours or more, before our turn.

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The birthing suite wasn’t an option due to risk of infection once your waters have broken, so we waited on the labour ward, in our own room, and snacked on the home-made flapjacks we'd spent most of the previous day making. They were a godsend! Fuel is so important before giving birth, so make sure you have healthy snacks to keep you going.


As I lay there, and my stress finally reduced, clarity kicked in, and I realised that the wait seemed to be madness - my situation clearly wasn’t an emergency, so why was I agreeing to the induction again? As I discussed this with my partner, it became clear what to do. I reversed my decision and explained that I wouldn’t be going ahead with the induction, which the midwives reassured me was fine, and were supportive of, as long as I was making an informed decision.


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I continued to focus on getting more relaxed, and reflected on what had happened. In the run up to my agreeing to go to hospital for the induction, the doctors definitely put pressure on me to be induced. And while I do understand their position, as they are adhering to current NHS guidelines and protocols, these guidelines and protocols are changeable, and they also depend on the country you give birth in. I wasn’t prepared to be treated as a ‘routine’ case, when I had done my own risk assessment while waiting, and I knew that the evidence proves that induction wasn’t necessarily the best option for my situation. 


I kept my baby ‘cooking’ for 37 weeks and 2 days, letting nature take its course, and giving space for a longer gestation period, which felt the right thing to do. This is where being informed and listening to your intuition enables you to take agency over your birth and make the decision that feels right for your family. Risk aversion is a very personal thing and it should be your choice to make.


The magic of natural Hormones and their role in birth

By around midnight, my stress levels were rising again due to constant visits to my room by doctors who (understandably) wanted to adhere to NHS protocol and I very nearly agreed to an induction again, even though this would have been completely unnecessary as I was in the early phase of labour. My birth partner was my rock and guided me back on track as he knew my birth wishes inside out, for which I’ll forever be grateful. I cannot emphasise enough the importance of who you choose to advocate for you during birth! 


Only a few hours later active labour began, at around 2am. (BREAK) I swayed on my birthing ball and used a TENS machine that had been recommended in antenatal classes, which was a huge help with the surges as it kept my breathing mindful, and I consciously repeated positive mantras inwardly to myself. With my partner’s arms wrapped around me, I felt safe and comfortable, which is exactly what you need for Oxytocin, the love hormone, to work its magic. I was feeling warm rushes all through my body, constantly smiling, and feeling so euphoric. I couldn’t believe how relaxed and amazing I felt. All thanks to some serious Beta Endorphins and natural Oxytocin flowing through me and the baby. (To read more about the hormones of birth click here)


Something that helped me to reach this deeply relaxed state is because I was already in situ to give birth. The downside to relocating to give birth, i.e. moving to a hospital setting, requires the use of the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This area of the brain is responsible for high-level cognitive functions such as thinking, planning, and regulating social behaviour, all of which massively disrupt the flow of labour and shouldn’t be activated when you give birth.  This is particularly worth noting for low-risk pregnancies, where planned home births can be a great option because they allow for the parasympathetic nervous system (the ‘rest state’ which inhibits the fight or flight response) to be undisturbed.


The Golden Hour

Our baby boy arrived at 37 weeks and 2 days, weighing 6 pounds. He arrived three days after my waters broke, when he was ready. Labour took 11 hours, and was a natural birth without any medical intervention or tearing, thankfully. My wonderfully supportive midwife called it a ‘textbook’ birth, and I felt so proud of what my partner, my baby and I had achieved together.  


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When I walked around the hospital later that day to find a quiet corridor to call my mum, I felt like I was floating from happiness, full of incredible emotions and felt like Superwoman. I was quite literally feeling 'high' from the cocktail of natural hormones flooding my body. It was the most powerful and exhilarating time of my life.


At that moment, I thought: ‘Why aren’t more women feeling this?'




My Second Son’s Birth story


Fast forward to 2022 and I was pregnant for the sixth time, but this would be my second child, due to having four miscarriages in between. I found it harder being pregnant as I was a lot heavier the second time around, the pregnancy lasted longer and I was finding pregnancy challenging not only physically but mentally. It was definitely not the headspace I had become so familiar with the first time around.


A loss of self-belief

This time, I felt immense pressure to agree to interventions (a membrane sweep initially, to try rupture the membranes and induce labour) due to being of older maternal age, even though I was a healthy 40-year old. But I was also carrying the emotional scars of my previous miscarriages, along with caring for my 3 year old, and having caring responsibilities for a terminally ill family member. This all meant that I was generally getting much less rest, and vastly reduced sleep, and so as my due date approached, I wasn’t feeling as capable or strong as with my first birth.


My preparation for this birth was almost non-existent, and as a result, I kept filling my head with negative self-talk about my ability to have another amazing birth. I was taunting myself that I must have 'just got lucky' the first time. Amnesia set in around the amount of preparation and planning I had made the first time. Planning for your birth and practicing hypnobirthing techniques are crucial if you a’re to approach birth in the best mindset. I cannot emphasise this enough! My approach was very different and unfortunately, I had become fearful and full of doubt.


How Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR) played a role in my birth

As I approached the 39/40 week mark, the pressure from the hospital to be induced mounted, not only because of my maternal age but also because one of the recent scans showed IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction) which is a slowing down of foetal growth. In my case, a slight drop in the baby’s abdomen measurements was flagged as a concern. However, I consulted an Obstetrician I had been in talks with that worked privately, and sent him the scan measurements. He reassured me that this can be very normal as you come to the end of the pregnancy, and in my case, the growth results were definitely not a case of severe IUGR. He suggested opting for the conservative approach with daily monitoring, and maybe a scan every few days for assessment until I went into labour. He didn’t treat me as ‘routine’ or use fear-based terminology in the way the hospital had done. (This is a good example of where getting more than one opinion can give you the authority to respectfully push back and challenge your caregivers, and therefore keep you on track to have your birth of choice.)


Fear as the driving factor for unnecessary interventions

Despite receiving advice from an external Obstetrician that my results didn’t cause huge concern, the risk of stillbirth was the narrative being pushed by the hospital to get me to comply with an induction. However, in very severe cases of IUGR the risk of stillbirth is 1%, and mine was a mild case. 


Nevertheless, fear played on my insecurities and pressure took over, therefore I actually agreed to an induction being carried out at the start of week 41. I surrendered to the fact I would be induced, but conversely, this may account for my body relaxing and ‘letting go’ during the evening before I was due to go to the hospital for the induction, and spontaneous labour started at around midnight again. In fact, going into labour the day before a scheduled induction is a common occurrence amongst many women, likely for the reasons I’ve mentioned. Lady Luck smiled upon me, thankfully!


The Transition Phase of Birth & Hitting a ‘wall’ - the final stage of labour

Labour was quicker the second time around, at 9 hours instead of 11 which tends to happen with each subsequent birth. My surges at home were more irregular than my first birth, again they came on at around midnight, and by the time I was ready to go to hospital, the sun was rising in the sky. In the early hours of the morning, around 6am, we were driving over a hill towards a stunning pink sunrise. The beautiful, calm view of undulating hills was in contrast to the physical rushes of energy soaring through me at this point . It was pretty intense to say the least and we had to pull over abruptly at one point so that I could vomit by the side of the road, as my body was rushing with Adrenaline.

Note: throwing up is usually a sign that you’re transitioning to the final stage of giving birth!


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The powerful nature of birthing means that it is an endurance test both mentally and physically. When we arrived at the hospital I was 7cm dilated, and feeling overwhelmed by a lack of energy. I was in early transition, waiting to be at full dilation (when the the cervix dilates from 8cm to 10cm, and the baby is soon to be born) and hit a wall. I was saying I wanted an epidural on arrival, due to tiredness, despite it never being part of my birth preferences, yet fortunately it was too late for one anyway, given how close I was to giving birth.


With the transition phase it’s very common for women to suddenly feel like they have hit a wall, often saying things like “I want to go home” or “I’m not doing this” while becoming very aware of their surroundings. This is where support from your midwife and birthing partner can get you through the final stages, because I really didn’t need an epidural, I just needed words of affirmation and handholding to help me relax through the transition, while using hypnobirthing techniques.


The importance of feeling heard by your Caregivers (Midwives/Doctors)

Unfortunately, I didn’t feel supported in the way I needed by the first midwife on shift. I had asked whether I could use a birthing stool/ chair as that keeps you in an upright position which helps gravity do its work (especially if you have an epidural). This can prevent tearing as it enlarges the pelvic opening so that the coccyx bone is not in the way, making it easy for the baby to descend. Squatting is another great position too, for these same reasons. However, my midwife said no to the chair and tried to convince me that lying on my back would be best as she had ‘seen less women tear this way’. This was a big red flag to me as the physiology of birth evidences that lying on your back is the worst position for a woman to be in. It’s basically the best position for doctors and midwives so they can see what’s going on down there, but will in most cases make your job a lot more challenging.


The reason being, that birthing on your back can make the labour process more difficult and uncomfortable as it can put pressure on your blood vessels, which may reduce blood flow, and also cause less oxygen to reach your baby.


By entering into a dispute with the midwife, I stopped breathing properly (as the neocortex part of my brain that has to do with reasoning and logic was activated) which meant I wasn't putting any of the hypnobirthing and pregnancy yoga tools I’d learned into practice. I felt I didn’t have the strength to get through it, but in hindsight I was just in the final stages of labour, and also low on energy. I hadn’t prepared snacks in advance like I had for my first birth, and I hadn’t eaten for hours (which is common if active labour occurs in the early morning hours). 

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Fortunately, throughout this haze, I was able to check back in with myself and my baby, and I realised that I needed to surrender to the situation. I knew I had to start breathing properly and use the tools that helped me with my first birth, to claw back my inner calm, peace, and self-belief. Thankfully I managed to do this, and with support I got onto the birthing ball again, tens machine in hand, eyes closed and head down, mindfully focused on each surge, and rhythmic breath work. 


There was also a new midwife on shift who took over my birth, who I really connected with, and made the process feel safe and supported. I knew I needed to follow what felt right in my body, and through following my intuition, I moved into an all-fours position.


Birthing my Rainbow Baby

Our beautiful 8-pound Rainbow Baby was in my arms two hours after arriving at the hospital. And despite the increased stress with pregnancy and birth, I avoided medical intervention and any physical trauma. 


The emotion I felt when bearing down to birth my son was so intense, it felt powerful and raw. It was the most satisfying release and pelvic stretch, and it felt really good to follow my body’s cues. It was very different to my first birthing experience - which shows no births are ever the same - but can be equally beautiful and life-affirming.


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As with my first birth I had an unaided, slower Third Stage of birthing my placenta and achieved all the wonderful benefits that come with that, including the baby receiving all the blood, nutrients and stem cells via the umbilical cord, so the cord was fully drained before getting clamped. (To learn more, check out this blog on The Golden Hour)

 

5 pregnancies after the birth of my first son, my second little cherub had arrived, and I felt beyond grateful. 



In Summary...


My stories highlight just how important self-belief (which is greatly supported by practicing hypnobirthing techniques) and trusting your ability to birth, is during the birth process, as without this things can quickly unravel, leaving you more likely to agree to a cascade of very often unnecessary interventions.


The truth is that it is likely something won’t go exactly to plan with your birth as the processbirth can be unpredictable, so you need a plan b in mind, and you need to be informed before making any decisions. You don’t need to rush into decisions either - slow things down and remember your hypnobirthing BRAIN acronym (benefits, risks, alternatives, intuition, option to do ‘nothing’). If the birth process isn’t progressing at the rate that caregivers might like, then ask if there are other options before agreeing to the first intervention presented. Seek advice, seek a second or third opinion, and ultimately do what feels right for you and your family as you will have to live with the consequences, not anyone else.


The overarching theme to both births was that Fear was the message conveyed by Doctors. Understandably Doctors in the field of Obstetrics are programmed to think of all the things that could go wrong during birth. They deal with life-saving emergencies, and thank God for their skill when a true emergency presents itself. However many of them again have rarely witnessed a non-medicalised birth. This is often because their training and experience are primarily based on births that involve medical interventions, such as inductions, epidurals, vaginally assisted birth (forceps/ventouse), or cesarean sections. As a result, their perspective on childbirth might be more focused on managing and looking for complications rather than supporting natural, unmedicated births.


If you want the birth of your choice, you have to prepare and be involved in every decision. This applies to giving good consideration to whichever country you give birth in. Arguably if you live in a country where a highly medicalised approach to birth has become the norm - for example where planned C-Sections are routinely done - but you want a natural, physiological birth, then becoming informed and educated during your birth is even more critical. I truly believe that Hypnobirthing education made all the difference to me having the healthiest and happiest birth outcomes, for myself and my babies.



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